With so many marriages ending up in divorce (around 50% in America) there has become an ever increasing need for help in surviving the ordeal of a divorce.
The first thing to you need to do is make doubly sure that there is no way you can save your marriage and that divorce is the only option. If you can be sure that you are not making a mistake in getting divorced the easier it can be to come to terms with the separation.
Once you have made your decision you need to start mentally preparing yourself for the life beyond divorce.
Once you have reached this point and you have filed for divorce there is no point looking back, what has happened is in the past and you now need to look to what needs to be done to make the separation easier and start planning for the future.
Don't go blaming yourself and don't start thinking of yourself as a failure. Divorce happens and so you and your partner haven't got the marriage idea quite right but you now need to learn from any mistakes, let go and move on.
I know it's easy for me to say and the concept of divorce is probably a crushing blow but you can and you will survive this. You know your marriage and you know it can't be saved and that you are seeking divorce with good reason. It makes sense to move on.
You need to try and let go before the end, begin to start making a new life (at least in your mind) before that final bit of paper comes through the door.
Divorce is a whole lot easier if the whole process is amicable. The more fighting and arguing that occurs over custody and finances the more stressful divorce can be. Divorce is hard enough you just don't need or want any added animosity. The harder the divorce the slower the recovery process will be.
Divorced spouse can often be filled with feelings of hatred, anger and self-loathing. Stress levels run high and it just seems impossible to get past the frustration and the continual memories of the failed marriage but divorce has to mean 'the end'. To survive divorce and get on with your life you need to visualise and understand the line drawn under your marriage. You might not like it but you have to accept it.
Don't ever think that because one marriage is failed you won't enjoy a loving relationship again. You need to re-build your self-esteem, accept that many marriages fail and that your divorce doesn't mean you are a failure.
Try and start rebuilding your life and doing something you enjoy every day. Make sure you have time out from going over and over your marriage. Deliberately make extra time for things you enjoy and try and keep your mind occupied for as much of the day as possible.
Obviously evenings are harder and this is when you need to start rebuilding your social life. Don't lock yourself away, get out there, do thinks you enjoy, meet new people and start learning that there is a whole new life waiting for you. See divorce as the beginning and not the end!
If you have children don't use them to get at your ex-spouse. Children suffer enough after a divorce and you need to make it as easy as possible for them. It's also easier for you if you can learn to let go of the anger.
If you believe you can do it then you can do it. Don't let divorce ruin your life, it's your decision to go down with the sinking ship or get back out there and start swimming. You can do whatever you want, you can make it happen. There are a whole load of new opportunities out there just waiting for you to grab them. It's a bit like riding a horse or a bicycle, if you fall off you have to get back on if you don't you'll loose your nerve.
